Half Day

Sleep was a real problem for me this morning, pain-wise. You know how, when you’re sick and you spend the day in bed, after several hours your back gets sore just from the pressure of lying on it? Well try starting out with a sore back, and then lie on it for a day. I woke up in excruciating pain, unable to find a position to lie in that didn’t make me feel like a swayback horse with a broken back. I imagined joking with people how my son had stepped on a crack, and here I was. I seriously started fantasizing about spinal fractures and wheelchairs, and how maybe if I moved wrong and got paralyzed I’d at least feel better because I wouldn’t feel the pain and maybe then I’d move out of this house cuz it’s got stairs and I’d move to that condo downtown with an elevator and a cool jazz lounge downstairs, except my wheelchair would be short and wouldn’t reach the bar and I’d get ignored, but maybe I could design one that was tall since I’m I’m used to being tall, has anyone ever done that but maybe it would be top-heavy and tip over, but I could put lots of little wheels around it to stabilize it and …. wait a minute, what the hell am I thinking? I don’t want to be paralyzed!!! These are the thoughts of a 5 am mind, I guess.

I was really afraid to move and trigger spasms, but I had to change position. You should’ve seen the production I made out of just rolling over onto one side. I was incredibly thankful that my headboard has openings that I could grab into and pull myself around with my upper body, rather than asking it of my lower back. I tried rolling to my left side, but was too close to that side of the bed and my right leg fell off, triggering spasms. I tried sliding my butt towards the middle of the bed, but my pajamas created too much friction on the sheets and wouldn’t let me slide without activating my back. And I didn’t have enough upper body strength to inchworm my way over. I tried rolling onto my right side, but the cat was over there, sleeping soundly, and refused to budge. Besides, the sheet had wrapped around me and seemed to strangle movement in every direction. I moaned and groaned and occasionally yelped, but outside of making me feel good psychologically, were just useless noises. I would sometimes feel just fine in a position while my muscles were activated holding me there, but as soon as I’d relax, gravity would grab at my back and pull. Eventually, after at least a half hour, I finally had wiggled my way onto my left side, with enough room to pull my knees a little closer to my chest, stretching out my back and offering support, and I felt some comfort. Next thing I knew, it was 9 am.

Bed was turning out to be a horribly painful place. I needed to sit up. I needed a change of scenery! So I worked my way  off the bed, something like the way an infant makes her way into position to creep backwards down the steps, and stood up. Owwww. I went downstairs, endured the coffee cycle standing at the sink (knowing that if I went away to sit down, I’d never get up to get the coffee again until it was cold), and grabbed a couple bites of last night’s Hong Sue Fish. With coffee in hand and a little bit in my stomach, I made my way to the living room couch.

All I will say about that is, ouuuuuch!! My mom called, I talked to her for awhile, then had to move. Bethanie called and I talked to her for awhile. I stood up and went upstairs, with the goal to take a shower. I felt disgusting. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for the ordeal, but I had reached the point where I could no longer stand myself, so I did.

I think the shower was the turning point. After I’d showered and got dressed, I noticed the spasms were all but gone. A general soreness remained, but for the most part, I could move again. Amazing how quickly I’d gone from severe pain to just soreness. I decided to get out of the house for a bit, and ended up laying on the front lawn, pulling grass from among the perennials. A chore I had planned to do this weekend and lamented I’d not get to because of my back. Done. Yay! Morgan called. Ron called. After that I imagined that a walk might do me some good, so I decided to take off for Bayshore Mall on foot. Bad decision. I shuffled about a block and turned back, doing approximately one 1/1000 of a mile per minute. I did end up driving there, bought a couple of books from B&N, and narrowly escaped a parking ticket. Meter Man and I got to my car at exactly the same time. I guess my shuffling pace did pick up just a tad, with money on the line. Thank goodness he was nicer than the City of Milwaukee parking guys! Came home and rested some more, reading and playing on the internet.

Ack. This blog is rambling and I should stop. It just feels kinda good to be writing, even if it is a whole bunch of nothing. Maybe I’ll join the playwrightbinge in June. Get something more important than a blog written. William Campbell and I have been interacting a LOT on facebook, and we don’t even know each other. It would be nice to show my face in the group as a writer, so those guys know who I am.



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